So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
