Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
