Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
