You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
