I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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