ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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