also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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