I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
