We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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