Ambien. No doubt about it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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