tell your sister to shave her snatch
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
