Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
