I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
