Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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