He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
