So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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