Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
