two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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