so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
