I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
