I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
