I think I won the penis lottery.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
