He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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