dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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