remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
