The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
