Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm like, not good at living.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
