You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
