We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
