is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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