I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
