u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
