I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
