I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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