Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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