apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
