Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
