I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
