Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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