And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
