CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
