God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
