I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
