4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
