Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
