Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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