i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
