apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
