I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
