I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
