I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
