who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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