Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
