I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
